Wonderful

I had the best nap this morning. It was a one of those intensely euphoric 2-hour naps you can’t fight. Something triggered it, something I consumed. A combination of a brain supplements and Vyvanse, which was suppose to do the opposite but then backfired. No complaints. I woke up feeling great. It was 4:30am, perfect timing to start the day and get back on track. I took Bonnie on our routine, twice-daily walk. She’s incredibly easy to take care of now that she’s a trained adult. She always goes like clockwork on the grass outside the building. I bring her in one of three different coffee shops I always go within walking distance of my place and get my usual medium vanilla latte with almond milk. Everyone always adores her. “Ya she’s not shy at all” I say as she jumps all over them.

I got my blood work done with my new doctor/new insurance last week. All good except for my cholesterol. It’s just a little over normal range. I’ll have to take it easy on the burgers and ice-cream. I charged my phone and then did some tedious errands: Setting up my electricity, paying my phone bill, internet bill, putting things on autopay, canceling random channel subscriptions on amazon prime video, resetting passwords I forgot by having them send an e-mail, checking e-mails, sending e-mails.

As I go through these motions and fill up my day, I think about what I keep putting off. It’s there and I think about it, but I don’t do it. Not yet. I’m so comfortable that it doesn’t quite grab me. I’ll start to wonder why and fall back into doing something normal again, like doing the dishes. “I’ll do it but I need to clean my apartment first.” I keep putting it off and that doesn’t bother me. Once I’m done cleaning my dishes I’ll watch a movie and then go to bed. It’s wonderful.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

4:08pm

Los Angeles, CA

 

 

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Are you mad I’m writing this prayer out publicly? Naaa you’re not mad. Do you get mad? I would assume you have your emotions under control at this point in your existence. That reminds me, where did you come from? Or- nevermind. I guess I just wanted to say I’m grateful for this life you gave me, assuming it was you, and that you’re an actual being. I guess I could be talking to nothing or myself but all these years it’s always seemed like you were there when I prayed. I’ve considered the possibility that you might not exist but I think there’s about a 60% chance you or something is going on here. I do know I always feel better after talking to you. Even if it is simply just another form of meditation and I’m just talking to myself, I don’t regret it. Anyway, again, I just wanted to say thank you. Through all the ups and downs so far I think it’s been a pretty good life. Is this starting to bore you? Do you get bored? I mean what is your deal like what do you do all day. What does God do for fun? I imagine you would have a good sense of humor. I look forward to meeting you. Hopefully, I don’t die until I’m 90 or so but you never know. Or do you? I’ve heard you know the future. Like what? I look forward to you explaining that one. Or maybe that’s just a typo in the doctrine of man. Maybe you’re nothing like the doctrine and the scriptures really were just metaphors and stories written by monks and authorities in the old times. I guess we’ll see. Well, we might not actually see, I guess there could just be nothing, but naturally, that doesn’t seem logical. I don’t feel like my soul is ever going to just Not exist. Ya know? You know. Um oh ya, can you bless all my friends and family and everyone else and comfort them and stuff and help them find peace and happiness and meaning? Ok, sweet thank you. Byeee. Just kidding that’s just a popular thing the kids are saying these days -wait- I guess you know everything anyway. Ok. I love you. Amen.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

7:12pm

Los Angeles, CA

Cool

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

– Jack Kerouac On the Road

I remember recording myself reciting this quote on our family’s iMac in high school. I put it on my shuffle as a single .mp3 without any other songs so that it would just keep repeating itself in my ear as I fell asleep. I was 16. The idea was to brand it deep into my subconscious with the hope of it manifesting some outer effect on my behavior. I wanted to be cool. I wasn’t outgoing and figured this would help. I’m not sure whether it did have an effect on me, but I definitely still consciously tried to be cool. I mean I still do, just less deliberately.

Everyone’s concept of cool is different and mine was that: “Mad ones…mad to live…desirous of everything at the same time…burn, burn, burn…” Basically, people who live in the moment. Rockstars, vagabonds, artists, outcasts, hippies, rebels, tyrants. Cool people. Interesting people that live their own life and say what they want. That’s my idea of cool. Or it was.

Can people change? It’s kind of a mystery. Sometimes I get in these moods and get all amped to do nothing wrong, be all healthy, think long-term, logical. Make rational, boring decisions on the road to SUCCESS! Then the next day I’m back to my normal ‘Fun World’ paradigm. Do we strive to be better? Or do we just enjoy the ride and go with the flow? Can there be a balance?

Tell me this. If one guy lives his life eating bagels and cream cheese with coffee and cream every morning and he’s happy BUT he has a dad bod and dies of a heart attack at 60, and there’s another guy who eats healthy but he’s a little less happy because he can’t eat bagels and people also automatically assume he’s a douche because of his six-pack and he dies at say 80 (wow nice 20 more years of being old!) Which is better? I think about this stuff.

Thanks for Reading,

Andrew Hales

6:26 am

Los Angeles, CA

 

 

 

 

Deja Vu

I always end up embarrassing myself. I’ll look back at some posts and vlogs and just wanna take it all down. Go hide somewhere for a while. Social Media: Can’t live with it, can’t live without it. People that proudly proclaim “I don’t give a Fuck what people think of me” usually care the most. It’s so easy to see. Inevitably, human nature requires a feeling of belonging. No one wants to be cast out of the tribe. When you have something to confirm your inclusion, people evidently ‘Liking’ you, it keeps that insecurity at bay. At the same time, it never seems to be enough.

Luckily, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve slowly learned to care more about the important character traits in people. Honest, considerate, and kind have started to triumph over funny, famous, and hAWT. I’ve met some truly boring people out here in L.A. Good-looking people with million+ Instagrams/Youtube/etc. with nothing to say. All they want is more. I’ll recognize these tendencies in myself and that frustrates me.

I just had a crazy wave of Deja Vu pass over me. Deja Vu is fucked. Help.

Thanks for Reading,

Andrew Hales

1:58am

Los Angeles

Elon Musk

There’s this thing, somewhat of a pebble in my shoe, a thorn in my brain, that’s always pestering me, always telling me to write. As cheesy as that sounds, here I am. I’m so happy for the 20-30 of you that read this blog. That’s flattering.

I’ve been good. This year hasn’t been too difficult. There’s definitely been some emotionally hard times, but emotions don’t really matter. Have you ever thought that? Like feeling angry or sad or depressed or motivated or happy AS FUCK! They’re just emotions. Flaky and whimsical and temporary. Did they accomplish anything? Are they gonna effect anyone else’s life? Not in the long term. Well, actually, sometimes they do. Sometimes people make very poor, long-term decisions out of impulse, so, ya definitely remember to motherfucking sleep on it. There’s this bad habit I have of living primarily in the moment. You’ve heard this. The kids that can wait fucking 15 minutes or something for TWO marshmallows instead of ONE right then end up being more successful in life. Long term vs. Short Term gratification. You get it. I get it. Everyone GETS it. Some of us are still going to eat ice cream though. We just. don’t. care. This all makes me go back to how much Free Will we actually have. I heard somewhere that Elon Musk truly believes we’re in a simulation. I wouldn’t be surprised. Of course, if that was the case then it wouldn’t even matter knowing that in the first place. Knowing whether or not this is all a simulation does not matter, nothing would change. The same way knowing if there’s a God watching over everyone. Meh, I dunno. I just know I SHOULD add to this blog more, but I can’t make any promises. Not at this point.

Thanks for Reading,

Andrew Hales

5:53 am

Los Angeles, CA

Simplicity

I have some lemonade in front of me sitting on my desk. It’s the expensive kind that’s fresh squeezed, from a popular LA restaurant, Lemonade. It’s not mine, I stole it from the fridge. I wrote, “I took the lemonade – Andrew” on the whiteboard and went back to my room. I needed it for chaser for the little bit of Ciroc left over from yesterday when Levi I and filmed my little Roast Myself Diss Track outside in the backyard.

“It’ll have the simplicity of all the shots in the backyard, with our creativity and enthusiasm making up for it in the editing and different angles, making do with what we got.”

Kind of how The White Stripes make do with their limited instruments, Jack White still manages to create music that saves people. It’s 1:53am on a Monday night and I’ve been reading and writing all day. I’ve been writing a bunch, just not here. This blog is meh. I prefer it that way. I never want there to be a point. Classic, Catcher in the Rye-Esque, Stream of Consciousness. Creative Writing. Aimless Words. Morning Pages. Whiny and indulgent.

I had one of those heroin naps today. The type that Louie C.K. describes as, “Deep African sleep, like it’s just an ancient.. mysterious..submerged.. in a river of warm chocolate and sleep was like a goddess whore just sucking me off and she’s a got a gold helmet and forty tongues and she’s speaking in a dead language and she’s feeding syrupy heroin into my penis while she’s sucking ‘uuh let this be my life please this be real’ “DADDY WAKE UP!””

It was nice, I woke up feeling good. My brain tissue felt repaired and reset. Hot tubby and calm. I made some coffee and ate a chocolate donut.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

2:18 am

Los Angeles, CA

 

10 Habits I’d Like to Form

Goals are byproducts of habits. Don’t write down goals. Write down habits.

“Write it down, make it happen.”

  1. Not drinking alcohol at least 6 days of the week.
  2. Not smoking weed at least 6 days of the week.
  3. Not consuming bread, sugar, or meat at least 6 days of the week.
  4. Consistently uploading a 10-min+ vlog every day at 10 am.
  5. Consistently uploading a 20-min+ Chatting With every Wednesday at 10 am.
  6. Consistently uploading a 10-min+ prank medley every Thursday at 10 am.
  7. Reading for at least 1 hour every day.
  8. Writing for at least 1 hour every day.
  9. Consciously meditating for at least 10 minutes every day.
  10. Hike Runyon Canyon with friends and/or Bonnie at least once a week.

How & Why

  • Not drinking alcohol at least 6 days of the week.
  • Not smoking weed at least 6 days of the week.
  • Not consuming bread, sugar, or meat at least 6 days of the week.

I won’t buy any of these or keep anything in the house. I won’t eat out. I don’t want to drink or smoke anymore, period, but I say “at least 6 days of the week” so my mind will at least have a glimmer of hope when I do have the urge: “It’s ok, I’ll just have to wait until Saturday.” Saturday is cheat day because it’s the weekend and everyone else is usually going out. Also, balance is key and life is short.

I don’t want to drink or smoke anymore because it has proven time and time again to hinder me from staying productive, fogging up my focus and worsening my already fragile & sensitive brain. Same goes for sugar, bread, and meat. The ‘why’ of these first 3 habits is to ultimately achieve more mental clarity and focus. Obviously, they will also help me stay in shape.

  • Consistently uploading a 10-min+ vlog every day at 10 am.
  • Consistently uploading a 20-min+ Chatting With every Wednesday at 10 am.
  • Consistently uploading a 10-min+ prank medley every Tuesday at 10 am.

As a result of the mental clarity achieved with the first 3 habits, I’ll have more energy and drive to ‘just keep uploading.’ As a result of the reading, writing, and meditating habits I’ll have more ideas to execute. I’ll schedule days in advance with Chad, Levi, or Luke to film. If I feel burnt out, I’ll suck it up and press record anyway. I’ll remember how lucky I am to ‘play’ for a living and treat it like a normal 9-5. I’ll remember how shitty working at all the minimum wage jobs in college was and how much better I have it now. I will not whine, bitch, or complain. I will be happy and grateful for my role as an entertainer. From the endorphins and sense of accomplishment from uploading consistently the first few weeks, I’ll develop a rhythm that builds momentum and it’ll start to become effortless. Consistently uploading at the same exact time will slowly condition my audience to expect a new upload at the same time and will increase viewership. I’ll make more money. I’ll invest the money into better equipment and bigger projects. I’ll hire talented cinematographers and producers. I’ll learn to delegate. When people give me shit for my ‘success’ I’ll completely omit them from my life. I will no longer scratch with the turkeys and the sheep. I don’t need to be ‘down-to-earth’. If success requires suffering and sacrifice then so be it. I don’t need to be ‘happy’. Happiness is boring and comfort is insidious. I want to suffer. Carve me out of wood. Let’s go.

Thanks for reading,

Andrew Hales

10:43pm

Los Angeles, CA