Bender

Sweating. So much sweating.

It’s been 2 days now off my 4-day marathon of continuous IPA and avoiding boredom. Avoiding accountability.

How did I get here? Everything hurts. My mind is foggy as all hell. I hate everyone and everything. I need to bite my tongue and save face as best I can. Avoid people.

Bonnie’s at Jaclyn’s. I was about to go to Boston but I cancelled at the at last second and ate my ticket. I couldn’t. I would’ve drank more and turned into a werewolf.

I cleaned my place. Sweating and with-drawling and hating myself. Shame and guilt flooding my thoughts. I should finally write that apology letter. Man I’m an asshole. Will I ever learn? Fuck is wrong with you? grow up.

My place is clean now. I still feel unstable. I’m gonna read now until I fall asleep. Keep chugging back to ‘normal’. Reboot. Repair. Round & round we go. It’ll be about a week or so before I feel good again. That’s what I get. Atoning for my sins. You must be fun at parties.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

9:31 pm

Los Angeles

5 thoughts on “Bender

  1. Honestly the worst when you’re in a shitty state and can’t tell when you’re gonna be out. Dont wanna say stay positive and all that crap just make sure you’re not actually blaming yourself for this. You’re like the only person capable of truly forgiving yourself. You’re not “atoning for your sins” just waiting till your brain stops being a total twat to you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just went through a similar experience, and I can totally relate. We need sometimes to make the same mistake a few times until we learn. Regret is not helpful, it will just take a few times, but eventually, we’ll learn our lesson.

    Like

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