Work

I can’t think. I’m sitting here waiting for inspiration. It’s been 30 minutes now. I guess this is work. I’m doing it. I’m in the thick of it. I’m reading through all my notes and I’m not laughing. Nothing seems funny or interesting to me. It’s annoying. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to write a web series but I can’t. I guess this is what I’ve been scared of for so long. It’s actually pretty uncomfortable. I just need to keep staring at the screen. Keep sitting here. I was reading a self-help book before this when I suddenly, mysteriously thought, this is a distraction. I’m never going to feel ready. Do it now. So here I am. I’m just waiting here. I guess I’m distracting myself writing down this blog post right now. It’s making me feel a little better. Not really though, this is all fluff. Does Louis C.K. experience this when he writes his sketches? Probably. I hope so. I’m just gonna keep doing this. It’s not fun. I don’t like it. But I wanna do it. This is work. This is exercise. I’m doing it. I’m writing. The same as doing push-ups. I did 40 push-ups today. It wasn’t comfortable. It wasn’t fun. I was glad I did it though. I now get to live with the knowledge of having done the pushups. That’s the reward. Stronger muscles and a better looking body is nice but the real reward is the knowledge that I consciously chose to put forth effort into something. It’s a mental reward. That’s what I’m doing now. I’m working. I’m waiting. I’m writing. This is work. Do the work. Ok, glad I could get that out of my system, back to sitting and waiting. Back to working.

Thanks for Reading,

Andrew Hales

3:55am

Bountiful, Utah

Comfort

“So what’s the next project?” My dad asks as we drive to Costco. “and I don’t mean videos, I mean what’s the next big venture.”

My jaded view towards pranks hasn’t been a secret for some time now. Naturally, my parents inquire what’s next for their day-dreaming, entrepreneurial son.

I go on autopilot, repeating the same variation of things I always say. “Probably documentaries or interviews. Music could be cool.” I’ve used this as an answer for the last couple years now.

“Huh.” He acknowledges. My dad is a very “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of guy. Realistic and cautious. My mom on the other hand usually responds, “Oh honey you’d be so good at that!” to anything I’ve considered trying. She has more confidence in me than I do.

“A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”

– Tim Ferris

Straight out of my bible, The 4-Hour Work Week, I guess I took that sentence a little too literally. #KingofAwkward

The truth is that progress and growth is uncomfortable. The problem is I’m addicted to comfort. I must break that addiction now.

*Does 30 push-up*

Ok. Hold on. *panting hard and loud* Let me just rest for a second.

*Falls asleep*

*Wakes up, turns on TV to watch Mad Men*

*Drinks Coffee*

*Continues watching Mad Men*

*Kills more time.*

Life is so fucking weird. I don’t know what the hell to make of it. I’m glad I could write this blog post though. Took me a minute to think of what to write but I finally just started writing. Sometimes you just need to sit and stair at the blank white for a while. That’s work. That’s the process.

I’m gonna turn pro. No more Mad Men. Time to work again. Work is fun. Work is life.

To me, what makes art in all it’s different forms beautiful isn’t just it’s appearance but also the knowledge of the honest hours of work and effort that was put into it.

Work is beautiful.

There is no honor in easy. There is no happiness in comfort.

“Many a false step by standing still.” – anon.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

5:06am

Los Angeles, CA

 

 

 

Things to Always Remember

I’m not claiming these as my own original thoughts by any means, just little moments of clarity that I’ve jotted down in my notes in my phone over the last year. Enjoy.

(Copied and Pasted)

No one cares as much about your accomplishments as you think, not even your parents. Live your life, do what you want and fuck the rest.

It’s lonely at the top.

Stay Consistent. New Video Every Thursday. Forever. Think Long Term. It’s OK to Stack Videos Weeks Ahead.

Retirement is a Myth. Be Patient. Think Long Term. Work Hard. Enjoy Your Work. What do you want to say? Do the work.

Always be real, Down-to-Earth, Build Emotional Connection & Rapport with Fans, don’t take yourself too seriously,

Stay Active on Social Media. Collaborate long-descriptive titles and thumbnails and comments on the video. Don’t be afraid to be long. Stay in Character. Keep them on the their toes, throw them off. Surprise them. It’s ok to not be funny. Always be interesting.

Do the work. Commit. Turn Pro.

Get Money, Get Paid.

Moderation in All Things.

10 min. CPM

Read, Walk, Weed, Run.

Hugs All Day.

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.

Take Nootropics and Coffee.

What are willing to suffer for? What’s your struggle?

I met this beautiful Russian girl 3 months ago. We’ve been hanging out a bit and I’m pretty psyched about it.

I’ve been vegging out in my apartment snuggled on the couch with my big blanket and pillows with Bonnie by my feet. It’s been about…22 hours since I’ve left the apartment. There’s this continuous train of thought that circulates in my head while I stair at the TV. I need to make a video. Naa I’m fine. No I should make a video. meh just do it tomorrow. Then I’ll get up and drink some more coffee, take Bonnie out for a stroll around the block, come back, sit on the couch, watch some more TV. LA has been very Londony lately. Cold and damp. It’s nice to just stay cozy indoors instead of doing anything else. I’ve been trying out a bunch of different supplements lately. I love my pills & potions. Getting high. I’m looking for natural alternatives to Adderall, for focus, and Ativan, for anxiety, but overall, just something fun to take.

You know what makes me feel guilty? Not working.

I went through this mini I-Don’t-Want-To-Get-Recognized-On-The-Street-Anymore phase for the last couple months but I’m over it now. I don’t mind. I’m happy people give a shit lol.

I gotta get back to work.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

2:44am

Los Angeles, CA

Contentment

Sup. It’s been a while. Remember that first post talking about how I was kind of against vlogging? Ya fuck that. I like it now. I’m tellin’ stories. Stuff like my DUI, blowing money on strippers, my drug habits, my fapping habits, why I left mormonism, the one that got away. I’m surprised to say I’m quite proud of my vlogs. My wonderfully intimate, youtubey, hand-held vloggy vlogs. For the first time in my life I feel like I’ve truly come out of my shell. I’m just so… and this word’s kind of gay but, happy. Gross. Good ol’ boring, I’m-13-again, quirky & relatable happiness. It’s very strange. Almost like I’m meeting my(jolly)self for the first time. Social Anxiety, what’s that? I actually talk to cashiers and uber drivers now without a care in the world. Is this how normal people feel? I don’t overthink things into a mild panic attack. Especially irrelevant, philosophical things like determinism or death. So. This is what 2 months of Lexapro feels like. My burning curiosity for anti-depressants (happiness in a pill?) is now finally resolved. I’m probably speaking too soon. There’s other factors too. The simple commitment to daily vlogging has probably had a relieving, cathartic effect on me. Not probably, it has. I also just turned 26 in May, signifying the completion of my brain’s natural growth and thus possibly maturing my state of mind and/or spirit to simpler, wiser level. Emotional retirement? Ha. Either way, for now, I’m in a good place.

Remember one of the docs I wanted to put out this year about Adderall and whether I had ADD or not? I drank a bunch of coffee (as well as 10 mg of addy of course) and busted it out over the weekend.

After uploading the nearly 12 minute short film to lahwfextra, I wait about about 5 minutes and then click refresh. The initial response is perfect. 40 likes, 0 dislikes. Ok cool. I play tug of war with Bonnie (my new Boston Terrier puppy) for 10-15 minutes. I click refresh again. 435 likes, 0 dislikes. Wow. They love it. Money can’t buy this feeling. I check up on the Donut Digger Prank on the main channel. Ratings are solid on that one too. Wow, today’s a good day for LAHWF. When my sense of accomplishment & ego gets this stimulated & inflated all I know to do is go for a fast-paced walk around the city. I put in my ipod, smoke a celebratory bowl and just sink into my own world, enjoying the fresh fruit of my labor. Aaaahhhh a pleased audience. Everything is in it’s right place.

“Good times, bad times, you know I’ve had my share…” – Led Zeppelin

Probably the most beautiful and simple lyrics ever written on this necessary fact of life. When I get down, I think of these lyrics and just remember to keep things in perspective, go with the flow, and ride the roller coaster of life. Losing All Hope Was Freedom.

Thanks for reading,

Andrew Hales

5:36am

Los Angeles, CA

The Process

I haven’t had a hard life. I’m a white, tall, American, male, from an upper middle class family, two loving parents, 4 loving siblings, soccer practice, cabin in the summertime, noodle salad. Oh ya and then Youtube comes out of nowhere and makes me rich and famous popular on the internet. I kind of have it all.

The only problem I’ve ever had is not having any to begin with. Boredom. Depression. My own thoughts & imagination turning on me. Just a blessed, bored, bougie, little brat. Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Sugar, Fat, Salt, Likes, Views, Attention.  It’s all wrapped up in a shiny, glittery box full of nothing. My neurotransmitters are shot. I’m not trying to sound edgy, there’s just something in me that wants to talk about this.

What’s there to do after you have it all? Do your best to contribute and help and be nice I guess. I think about this concept of short-term vs. long term gratification, but I’ve never really applied it to my life. Not consistently anyway. I’ve never really cared to. That’s kind of the root of evil right there. The tipping point. It all boils down to that spectrum. Good (long term choices) VS. Evil (short-term choices). You’ve thought about this.

Is it that simple though? I remember a girl asked me what’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I thought about it for a second. “I don’t feel bad about any of the stuff I’ve done.” She laughed. You know, no regrets. It’s mAdE mE tHe PeRsOn I aM tOdAY! I don’t understand why people say that. What if you’re not a good person. What if you’re a serial killer. Same with Everything happens for a reason. Is it a good reason? I don’t like those phrases.

When we film a video, sometimes 2-3 hours go by before we film anything. We’ll walk around campus, figuring out what exactly we’re doing, hanging out, eating, getting batteries. When I say ‘we’ I just mean whoever is with me that day. Usually Luke, Aryia, or Danny. What I was getting at though was that those 2-3 hours of ‘wasting time’ have never bothered me. It’s just what we refer to as The Process. All the hang-ups, frustration, trouble that we encounter trying to get a video done is just part of The Process. It’s normal. It’s inevitable. It’s the universe’s way of making you earn the video.

So if we go back to the Good vs. Evil thing, is it really that simple? Or was I, for instance, suppose to visit a certain amount of strip clubs in my early 20’s before I was bored with them, so now I’ve learned my lesson, and don’t go to strip clubs anymore because I’m more mature and it’s degrading to women, so now I’m gonna respect woman and practice commitment with someone I care about? Where in all that did I just go, “Hey, I’m not gonna do this now.” If everyone makes mistakes and learns from them, then what’s the problem? I’m asking what’s the problem with making mistakes if you’re just going to learn from them, is it all just part of the process of life? I don’t really know what I mean by that. I’ve confused myself again.

I tell you man, this Free Will dilemma, I just can’t get my head around it. Maybe I’m smoking too much weed. Or taking too much adderall, or Ativan, or Lexapro. That last sentence just made me sound like a pill-popper. I am. I’m a pill-popper. I love pills. I love having the ability to change my reality with a substance. I like that simplicity. I guess that’s evil though, it’s short-term. Are they still evil if they help you be a better person? Not just to yourself but to everyone else in your life?

I could go through this post and fix some of the points I’ve made (if any) and make them crispier, think about it more, ramble more, but I don’t really want to. I’m tired. I’m just gonna post it.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

3:32am

Los Angeles, CA

5am

The longer you go without working out, the less tone you get, the more weight you gain, the less likely you’ll start working out again.

The longer you go without posting a video, the more anxious you get about posting one, the less likely you’ll start posting again. Same paradox.

Then suddenly, out of chance, you get home one day in all your automation, and you happen to eat more than one or two cookies, not realizing it would put you in a deep 6-hour sugar crash.

You wake up on the couch. The TV’s on. It’s 5am. You turn the TV off and you sit there. You feel a little groggy, but something’s different. You care. Cereal? No. Today let’s try eggs and veggies. No bread, No sugar. Let’s write down some goals. Let’s do some kettle bell swings. Take a shower. Clean up the apartment.  Why now? Who knows. We tried answering that in that Free Will video. It’s just the motion of the universe I guess. Over-analyzing it won’t get you anywhere either. That kind of thinking will put you back down the rabbit hole. Today, you care.

Maybe I’ll stick to it this time. Boiled eggs, black beans, peas & carrots, green tea. 60 kettle bell swings. Jump rope until I’m sweating. Hop in the shower. Sit down on a chair and wait. Wait until it comes. Then write. Edit. Pray.

Tuesday’s will be cheat day. A lot of things are cheaper on Tuesdays, the movies, B-Dubs, etc. Tuesday’s will be filled with Soda, Beer, Mcdonald’s, and all the other poisonous things you can think of. Complete freedom and debauchery.

Then back to structure. Discipline. Self-control. Self-awareness.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

6:25am

Los Angeles, CA

 

 

Pre-Game

Damn that last post was Beta as fuck. Should prolly delete that. Gangsters don’t get infatuated. 99 problems.

Uploaded Trying to Fit in at College 9 hours ago and it appears to already have plateaued at around 40k views. Damn. I guess we did only spend an hour or so on it. I guess it IS a little cliche as fuck. The next one might be a little better. Little bit better clickbait. You Wanna Come Over and Pop in a Blu-Ray? Should be a crowd-pleaser. Christ.

I’m typing this at the most random of moments to sit down and write something. A Pre-Game. Luke & Austin. The girls will be here in a 20 minutes or so. Music’s blasting. We’re in Austin’s Apartment sipping on Vodka Redbulls and meditating on the night ahead of us here in Windy City. My first time visiting Chicago.

“Do you know the real time views on your vid?” Luke asks.

“I dunno. Prolly low.” I respond pessimistically.

I try not to self-identify with it. I focus on EVERYTHING else that’s so much better than that and to be fucking grateful. Then I think of Music.

Music. Forever and always. Flow.

Haven’t had an ativan in a while. Ativan keeps me positive. I’m a better person on ativan.

More on that later.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

9:43 pm

Chicago, IL

 

 

 

Infatuation

I’ve developed an unhealthy infatuation with two girls in my life. One is married now. The other is currently sending me mixed signals. It’s exciting and frustrating.

How do you tame infatuation? I say unhealthy because I’m past the point of no return where my sense of identity goes completely haywire when I’m around her. I’ve built this girl up so much in my head and there’s nothing I can do to reverse it. Attraction isn’t a choice. She has me.

Our interests & values clash but the probability we wouldn’t work out only makes the banter that much more exciting. We’re polar opposites mystified by each other. At least I am anyway.

There’s no telling if she’ll respond to a text or not. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t. That’s just the way it goes. Sometimes she’ll text me first. One particular text ‘session’ went like this:

Girl: What are you doing?

Me: Nothing. Reading. Why you wanna come over? (blushy emoticon)

Girl: Haha. Nope. You’re trouble.

Me: hahaha what do you mean? I thought you liked me..

Girl: Every time im around you I get the feeling that you want to make out with me… and the girl you were just talking to before me, and after me. (then a text right after that one): Too honest. Too honest. Shouldn’t have sent that one.

Me: lol well that’s true except for the second part about the other girls. But I mean I get that feeling from you too, we might have telekinesis.

She didn’t reply for 10 minutes. Then she said:

Girl: Ooo. 11:11 make a wish.

Me: Are you tired?

Girl: No. I’m rarely tired at night.

Me: Same. What a coincidence. If it was warmer I’d say lets go star gazing but it’s pretty cold.

Girl: We’ll have to meet up another day

Me: ok

I’ll invite her to hang out and she won’t respond. Then a couple days later she’ll invite me to a party at her house. I have yet to hang out in a non-public place with her. I guess she thinks I’m some sort of player, which isn’t completely false.

Making out, sure, but that package also usually includes cuddling, deep conversation, and an overall sugary burst of Oxytocin. I want to hear her less energetic, non-TV voice. I want to understand her. I want to meet her. I haven’t quite met her yet.

I don’t mind taking it slow though. Until she gives me a clear sign she’s not interested, all I can do is keep trying. I have no other choice.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

5:39am

Los Angeles, CA

About Danny Duncan

“What is life?”

Danny says as we sit on the grass at Venice Beach. We come here to “film & skate”. It’s the end of July and the sun is nearly gone behind the flat ocean.

“I know right” I don’t skip a beat.

Danny is a complete extrovert. Social lubricant. It’s not possible to have an awkward moment with Danny, not even after this ultimate question.

“Like what the fuck is going on!?” laughing his ass off.

“I know, it’s weird!” I laugh with him.

One of Danny’s most endearing traits is that he’s sober. I don’t think I’ve even seen him with a soda. He’s athletic and cares about his health while at the same time carries no judgment towards anyone that parties (me). His Instagram bio reads, “I just like to laugh & have fun! <3” which couldn’t be more parallel to his being.

I met Danny when I met Chris Chann about 10 months ago. They’re good friends. I’d seen some of Chris’ videos before and noticed he had commented on one of my videos. I tweeted to him and we skated (with Danny) at the Berrics a few days later. Danny and I started hanging out more and filming videos for each other. Eventually he started couch surfing at my place and over the course of the year we (along with Luke and a few others) started to build a life together out here in the City of Angels. A real-life social network of moral support.

Another endearing trait of Danny is he’s always in a positive mood. Even through the bad times he keeps on laughing. After being car-less for the first month or so, he finally got a car after spending everything he had. The car broke down on the freeway on the first day he bought it.

He came home a few hours later laughing his head off, “Dude, Dude, what are the fuckin’ chances!” Pulling me in with his crazy grin, “I mean ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??” laughing harder.

Luke and I laugh with him, “that sucks man” and “I’m so sorry man, that’s not fair at all.”

He calms down and starts editing something on his laptop on my floor where he sleeps. He’s hungry. He’s chasing the dream. He wants to ‘make it’. I believe in him, so I help him. I want to help him. Danny’s a good guy. He’s a good guy because he’s always honest and upfront with everything he says and does. Part of #teamrealpranks and #FTF (fuck the fakes), a movement outspokenly against fake pranks/social expieriments (Although no one cares haha), Danny shares my annoyance for Youtubers that profit off the ignorance of millions of people who actually thought their staged, crafted sOciaL eXpEriMeNt really happened. Sorry I started to get a little heated there haha.

Fearful of intruding with a semi-serious tone, “Just let me know if you need to me to leave, it’s not a big deal at all.”

He says this about once a week. Buys his own groceries with the little money he has, Peanut Butter, Jelly, Bread, Milk, Cereal. Doesn’t touch my food, get’s uncomfortable if I try to buy his meal, “haha no dawg, put that away.” Little things like that can give you an idea of someone’s character.

I’m not sure where this post is going or what it’s original purpose was, but it’s good to practice gratitude. It takes effort to count your blessings and appreciate them. Though, at the moment, it feels effortless to be grateful for my friend, Danny Duncan.

Happy 100k subs man, love you.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

6:49pm

Los Angeles, CA

No One Cares if it’s Fake

Took me long enough to come to that realization. People stage videos on the internet and no one cares. People will never care. They have much more interesting things to worry about. I now accept this as a fact of my culture. Roman realized this early. Then Vitaly, Fousey, Ock, Saladhands, etc. They made the strategic switch from Documentary to Reality TV and people ate it up without a single synapse of suspicion.

To be clear, there’s two types of staging. Harmless and Harmful. Harmless is usually something like those Canadian Just For Laughs Gags where it’s an actual practical joke. Fousey’s Yoga Pants thing is a perfect example of a harmless staged prank. How do I know it’s fake? I don’t. You can just feel it if you’re not a moron. Strangers simply aren’t that animated. He’s been proven to hire actors off Craigslist anyway. But that’s besides the point! No one cares. At that point it’s Reality TV and people are happy to be distracted from their lives for a few minutes. Whether or not it’s real, no one fucking cares. On the other hand, Fousey’s Rape Prank, Homeless gives money, or cHaNge tHe WaY yoU tHInK lean more toward harmful staging which I’ll explain why gets on my nerves:

Harmful staging happens when a fuccboi starts out calling it a ‘Social Experiment’ (it’s sCieNcE!) then pretending to be a blind person asking change for a dollar  and having the “strangers” (blurred faces of course) rip him off. OMG! What kind of Fucked up Society do we LIVE in?! clearly deceiving the viewers. You’d think these outraged, naive posts from my own friends & family on Facebook, sharing the video along with it, would settle down after a couple years because maybe people would catch on, but no, they’re still popping up, lately from Saladhands or Zac Efron.

I hate this because I know they’re fake and my friends & family think they’re real. They truly believe they’re real and it completely baffles me. They don’t understand the industry. They don’t understand they’re perpetuating a negative stereotype when they share a fake social experiment that did not actually fucking happen. They don’t understand the creator/prankster crafted it purposely to disgust them, or sometimes to melt their heart, and to then to share it, making them thousands of dollars. They just don’t understand. And that pisses me off.

I’ve already explained all this in this video here. *Fun fact, the first 6 hours after I uploaded this, it got picked up on Reddit and made it to the front page. My friend from high school even texted me to let me know. I was thrilled. About an hour later it was taken down by a network which I can’t name in fear of them fucking me over because they have and will use if they just feel like it, that power. Anyway, the link on Reddit was now worthless. I immediately called the network and figured out who filed the copyright claim (I was clearly in fair use). It was either go back and forth over Youtube’s rebuttal system for the next week OR tweet to the fuccboi and pay him to remove the claim as well as guarantee no one from the network could take it down. To my surprise he responded, I paid him $1500, and after 7 more hours it was put back up, but the trending rhythm had died. Who knows how many views it might have gotten. Of course, at the end of the day, no one cares.

Does this mean LAHWF is going to start staging videos? No. It means no one cares because no one cares. And no one cares at all because no one cares about that. It means I’m getting too old for this cliche, saturated genre on Youtube called Pranks.

You pretentious piece of shit, you think you’re above Pranks Andrew? 

Short answer: Not yet.

I need to get back to practicing piano.

 

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

1:53am

Los Angeles, CA