I haven’t had a hard life. I’m a white, tall, American, male, from an upper middle class family, two loving parents, 4 loving siblings, soccer practice, cabin in the summertime, noodle salad. Oh ya and then Youtube comes out of nowhere and makes me rich and famous popular on the internet. I kind of have it all.

The only problem I’ve ever had is not having any to begin with. Boredom. Depression. My own thoughts & imagination turning on me. Just a blessed, bored, bougie, little brat. Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Sugar, Fat, Salt, Likes, Views, Attention.  It’s all wrapped up in a shiny, glittery box full of nothing. My neurotransmitters are shot. I’m not trying to sound edgy, there’s just something in me that wants to talk about this.

What’s there to do after you have it all? Do your best to contribute and help and be nice I guess. I think about this concept of short-term vs. long term gratification, but I’ve never really applied it to my life. Not consistently anyway. I’ve never really cared to. That’s kind of the root of evil right there. The tipping point. It all boils down to that spectrum. Good (long term choices) VS. Evil (short-term choices). You’ve thought about this.

Is it that simple though? I remember a girl asked me what’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I thought about it for a second. “I don’t feel bad about any of the stuff I’ve done.” She laughed. You know, no regrets. It’s mAdE mE tHe PeRsOn I aM tOdAY! I don’t understand why people say that. What if you’re not a good person. What if you’re a serial killer. Same with Everything happens for a reason. Is it a good reason? I don’t like those phrases.

When we film a video, sometimes 2-3 hours go by before we film anything. We’ll walk around campus, figuring out what exactly we’re doing, hanging out, eating, getting batteries. When I say ‘we’ I just mean whoever is with me that day. Usually Luke, Aryia, or Danny. What I was getting at though was that those 2-3 hours of ‘wasting time’ have never bothered me. It’s just what we refer to as The Process. All the hang-ups, frustration, trouble that we encounter trying to get a video done is just part of The Process. It’s normal. It’s inevitable. It’s the universe’s way of making you earn the video.

So if we go back to the Good vs. Evil thing, is it really that simple? Or was I, for instance, suppose to visit a certain amount of strip clubs in my early 20’s before I was bored with them, so now I’ve learned my lesson, and don’t go to strip clubs anymore because I’m more mature and it’s degrading to women, so now I’m gonna respect woman and practice commitment with someone I care about? Where in all that did I just go, “Hey, I’m not gonna do this now.” If everyone makes mistakes and learns from them, then what’s the problem? I’m asking what’s the problem with making mistakes if you’re just going to learn from them, is it all just part of the process of life? I don’t really know what I mean by that. I’ve confused myself again.

I tell you man, this Free Will dilemma, I just can’t get my head around it. Maybe I’m smoking too much weed. Or taking too much adderall, or Ativan, or Lexapro. That last sentence just made me sound like a pill-popper. I am. I’m a pill-popper. I love pills. I love having the ability to change my reality with a substance. I like that simplicity. I guess that’s evil though, it’s short-term. Are they still evil if they help you be a better person? Not just to yourself but to everyone else in your life?

I could go through this post and fix some of the points I’ve made (if any) and make them crispier, think about it more, ramble more, but I don’t really want to. I’m tired. I’m just gonna post it.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

3:32am

Los Angeles, CA