The summer after I turned 21 I worked at Mcdonald’s for a few months. I remember how confused the lady was at my enthusiasm during the interview. I was hoping to work the night shift and that position just happen to be open. I’ve always been a night owl so I figured I might as well be on the clock somewhere. I also figured the night shift would be a lot more laid back and I’d be able to read or something. Turns out I was more than right. The night manager was a few years older than me and we hit it off right away. From 10 pm to 5 am the two of us would get drunk and skate in the parking lot. When a car came in we’d run back inside and do their order. We’d make all sorts of new creations with the nuggets and fries and ice cream and just feast and chat outside during those cozy, summer nights. All that while $7.25/hr stacked up in the background. Needless to say, that job was pretty Lit. (Did I use that right? It was very full-send.)

It’s strange to think about how that was only in 2011. It feels like a hundred years ago. I had uploaded one or two half-ass cell-phone videos on LAHWF at that point but none of them reached a thousand. I remember I was seriously thinking of working my way up in McDonald’s, learning all the ins and outs, and eventually buying a franchise with a loan or something and then another and that’s how I’d get rich. All through college I remember just wanting to make money as fast as I could. Door-to-door sales intrigued me because of it’s simple, raw nature. Just a guy with a product selling you something 1 on 1. I wanted to be that charming, confident sales dog. Wolf of wall street. I still do sometimes. I finally got the hint that the rich have their money work for them, so I looked more into passive income like vending machines and real estate. I bought an Italian Ice pushcart that next summer and started doing that at events, with the plan to buy more and just hire teenagers to run them. After a few medium successful events, one of the videos took off. It went viral. Holding people’s hand. It wasn’t even that funny but back in 2012 videos went viral. They don’t really do that anymore, do they? The sensationalism of viral videos was still alive and well with gawker and Huffington shitting their pants over any little thing. I remember checking my AdSense account a few days after and feeling my heart skip a beat. I didn’t sleep that night. I was in the clear. I could pay off all my credit card debt AND my car loan. It was all downhill from there.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

3:43am

Los Angeles, CA